Joyride to Nowhere (1977)

Yet another entry in the seedy little-girl-lost genre that flowered in movies and TV during the late ’70s, Joyride to Nowhere hits the trifecta of rotten acting, rotten production values, and rotten storytelling, so the only viewers likely to enjoy this dreck are those who relish cinematic ineptitude and/or those who enjoy watching the degradation of young women. Curvy high-school girls Cindy (Sandy Alan) and Leah (Leslie Ackerman), both of whom sport terrible Farrah Fawcett hairstyles, leave their turbulent homes for an adventure on the road. First they have a comical encounter with Charlie (Len Lesser), a lecherous potato-chip salesman, and then they tangle with Tank (Mel Welles), a rotund mobster. (Lesser is mildly amusing; Welles is not.) After he plies them with drinks and expensive food, Tank brings the girls home expecting carnal payback, but they distract him long enough to steal one of his cars—which just happens to contain $2 million in cash. Had someone like Roger Corman produced Joyride to Nowhere, the getaway scene might have happened 15 minutes into the running time, transforming the rest of the picture into a zippy chase. Alas, the folks behind Joyride to Nowhere—including costar Welles, who helped write and direct the picture—overestimated the entertainment value of their predictable situations and vapid characters. There’s only so much fun to be had watching dumb people do dumb things. Oh, and good luck figuring out why Joyride to Nowhere stops dead for a lengthy muscle-car exhibition.

Joyride to Nowhere: LAME