Incoming Freshmen (1979)

Here’s the sort of thing that passes for humor in the abysmal sexploitation flick Incoming Freshmen, one of many terrible collegiate farces released in the wake of Animal House (1978). In a running gag, enormously fat Professor Bilbo (B.M. Culpepper) becomes flustered while lecturing to classrooms filled with nubile women, because he imagines the ladies standing up, disrobing, and performing sexy antics. Yes, that’s the whole joke—an overweight man’s sexualized imagination triggers leering nudie shots. And that’s probably the high point of the movie, because at least that running gag steams from a clear idea. The rest of the movie is sludge. The main storyline involves small-town girl Jane (Ashley Vaughn) adjusting to life with her promiscuous roommate, Vivian (Leslie Blalock), during their first year of college. Jane is the subject of endless will-she-or-won’t-she dialogue, none of which is interesting. The movie also features a boring subplot about the infidelity of Jane’s boyfriend back home, vignettes of college dudes attempting to sleep with Jane, assorted debauchery and revelry around the campus, and vulgar recurring scenes in which horny guys lose their composure every time they see a woman with a shapely figure. At its worst, Incoming Freshmen cuts abruptly to an “imaginary” shot of a sexy girl slithering out of her halter top, simply because men in the preceding scene ogled her breasts. Incoming Freshmen is like the erotic highlight reel running through an adolescent boy’s mind—free-association objectification. Anyway, just before the movie sputters to a pathetic conclusion, a rock band wearing animal masks performs a song called “Do the Goat” during a party scene. More weirdness of that ilk would have gone a long way toward making Incoming Freshmen palatable.

Incoming Freshmen: SQUARE