Half a House (1975)

          Of minor interest to Oscar completists because it scored an out-of-nowhere nomination for its original song “A Life That Never Was,” this meagerly budgeted romantic comedy has the sort of hackneyed writing one might encounter in a low-end TV movie, and the type of cheap-looking cinematography and production values one might encounter in a midrange ’70s porno. (Lest your imagination wander in the wrong direction, the picture is rated PG.) Yet while Half a House is inarguably a bad movie, it’s far from the worst the ‘70s had to offer. Running less than 80 minutes (in the version reviewed for this blog), the thing moves along at a decent clip, and the jokes are professionally constructed even though none of them achieves liftoff. Moreover, the basic premise is workable in a trite sort of way, and though it’s immediately apparent why leading actors Anthony Eisley and Pat Delaney never escaped the rut of workaday TV careers, they and their various costars in Half a House are basically competent. If this comes across as damning with faint praise, that’s fair—no reasonable argument could be made that watching this movie is an enriching experience. But, hey, these are the hills I climb for you, my dear readers.
          After one too many arguments drains the fun from their decade-long marriage, interior designer Bitsy (Delaney) and architect Jordan (Eisley) decide to separate, but the judge assigned to their divorce case insists they cohabitate for a cooling-off period of three months, with each spouse occupying half the home they designed together. First come the “comical” ploys to infuriate each other. He chills the house to a freezing temperature because the thermostat is on his side. She distracts one of his clients by sunbathing during a business meeting. Then come the inevitable near-miss dalliances, stymied because the spouses still have feelings for each other. Also featured are an (offscreen) session of makeup sex, plus visits to a marriage counselor who (wait for it) cheats on his wife with a secretary. The verbal gags are just as contrived as the situations. The day after Bitsy throws Jordan’s clothes onto the lawn and activates the sprinkler, their maid collects the garments and says, “Well, you’ve got to admit it doesn’t rain ready-to-wear every day!” Wait, you want another priceless zinger? After the subject of community property gets raised, Bitsy’s friend offers this advice: “You take the property and let him have the community!”

Half a House: FUNKY