Wednesday, January 5, 2022

Linda Lovelace for President (1975)



Any hopes that Linda Lovelace for President might realize the satirical possibilities of its title disappear the instant the movie starts, because everything about this low-budget embarrassment is crude and inane. The first shot features Lovelace, the notorious actress from Deep Throat (1972), wearing just a helmet and a pistol belt in front of an American flag, evoking Patton (1970)—but instead of a pithy speech, the movie offers superimposed text: “This picture is intended to offend everybody.” If only. At a festival presented by offbeat special-interest groups (KKK, AAA, AA, “Suicide for Fun Committee,” etc.), leaders jokingly select Lovelace as their predidential candidate. Once Lovelace (who plays herself) gets told about the idea, she requests permission from her Uncle Sam (Robert Symonds), a patriotically dressed sleazebag obsessed with his niece’s breasts. After receiving Sam’s endorsement, Lovelace participates in a barnstorming tour that comprises most of the slapdash movie’s running time. Predictably, she pauses at regular intervals for sex. In one of many cringe-inducing sequences, Lovelace and her people visit a hillbilly compound. When Lovelace wanders into the nearby woods to bathe in a waterfall, she’s spotted by redneck tree dweller “Tarbo” and his pet chimp. Then, while Lovelace screws Tarbo, the chimp makes lascivious remarks by way of dubbed lines from a comedian. In the same sequence, Lovelace’s flamboyantly gay advisor Bruce (Danny Goldman) makes out with two yokels in an outhouse until the outhouse gets tipped over, causing three gay characters to get swathed in excrement. Ugh. (By my count, the movie has exactly one good joke—after Bruce raises campaign money by turning tricks at a frat house, he says, “I turned a rich fraternity into a poor sorority.”) Eventually, people threatened by Lovelace’s popularity recruit “The Assassinator,” a hit man played by comedian Chuck McCann, whose idiotic mugging is excruciating to watch. This movies script is a hyperactive barrage of unfunny gags, the direction is mindless, Lovelace can’t act, and the comedy professionals surrounding her demean themselves by participating. (Also appearing are Micky Dolenz, of the Monkees, and Scatman Crothers.) FYI, this movie was released in X- and R-rated versions, but both are softcore.


Linda Lovelace for President: LAME


5 comments:

Guy Callaway said...

Chuck McCann in a bath with Joyce Gibson...the mind boggles.

Unknown said...

As a lover of grade z films, I'd like to laugh at this movie, unfortunately, I can't. According to Lovelace's autobiography, Ordeal, she claims all her performances in porn films were coerced by threats and violence. Now this is her take, but even the possibility of this taking place, removes any possible enjoyment from the experience. The fact is she died at a fairly young,age 53, and renounced every film she ever made. A sad story. Making it worse, many B level actors in this film picked up a paycheck because of her questionable reputation.

Joe Martino said...

I saw this in the local theater at it's release. Lame even for a fifteen year old. Interesting that Vaughn Meader shows up in the end as the president and shares a nude scene with LL

Unknown said...

Nice

Tommy Ross said...

Hi Peter! Long time no speak, hope you're doing well. I was wondering if you could review Nowhere To Run, 1978 TV movie with David Janssen? Best wishes, TR